Day 44: The Most Valuable ResourcePosted: June 21, 2012
Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered why your eyes are brown, you can roll your tongue, raise one eyebrow, or make your ears move? Most people can look at their mother, father, brothers or sisters and figure out where those genetic traits came from. However, for an adoptee the above questions cannot be so easily answered, especially if you were adopted between 1964-1996.
Imagine what it would be like to be alone on island? Who would teach you what things were…the trees, beach, water, and sand…No one likes the fear of the unknown and that’s how I have felt for the past 44 years of my life. Who am I? Do non-ADOPTEEs have an identity crisis or is it reserved for those of us who were given “away?” The reason for being “given away” doesn’t really matter…whether it was the “right” thing to do, to hide a secret, give someone else the opportunity to become parents or pure guilt, the feeling is same.
No one wants to feel unwanted no matter what the circumstances may be. Humans want to be loved and accepted, it’s natural. So is this the reason I am always looking for what’s next…the sense to find somewhere to belong. It is a continuous journey that never ends and for most people that is a hard concept.
So I went back to where my journey began, Catholic Charities. After 41 years of being in denial I made the phone call to Catholic Charities not knowing what to say or what to expect. The process of getting my non-identify information was explained and now I just had to wait for the call. When the report was finished, I met with the most amazing caseworker who is an adoptee herself. I could have never imagined that there we so many people just “like me” out there. She gave me some time to read the report and ask questions. She was a valuable resource and offered guidance as I decided if my next steps would be to start a search or meet others “like me.” At that time I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone, so I graciously thanked her and left.
After a few weeks, I took her advice and attended meetings at the Adoption Network. It was an eye opening experience and made me see that I am not alone. I also decided to start my search and three years later, I’m still searching. I have been able to continue my search because I found that the staff is caring and dedicated to the mission of Catholic Charities. Deb has been the driving force and a constant cheerleader to keep me moving forward even when things look bleak. She along with Catholic Charities have been wonderful in assisting me along this journey. They all have gone above and beyond what anyone would ever expect. Deb is a true advocate and has listened to me whether I was frustrated, happy or in tears. Her compassion and support as I go through this journey have been amazing.
Catholic Charities has many valuable resources, but none more valuable then their caring and dedicated staff.